Stoptober 2016 : one year…

one year… one year…

I made a video not to celebrate the event (even though I will!) but to explain how I did it.

So, thank you very much for watching the following video!

In this video I am presenting my own personal experience with Stoptober 2015 and the tools I have used to quit smoking. Please, do remember that you can do it as long as you find your own system, what works for you and you are prepared! Good Luck! You have all my support and I’ll be sending you good vibes the whole month of October!


Any info regarding Stoptober can be found here: https://www.nhs.uk/smokefree/stoptober and on Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/stoptober

You find us here: The Resting Tree: https://www.facebook.com/therestingtreelancs/

Should you need any more info, you have some questions or you would like to book a session with me, please feel free to contact The Resting Tree
via the Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/therestingtreelancs/
via email therestingtreelancs@gmail.com
or via the website https://therestingtreelancs.com/

My previous video about morning ritual : https://youtu.be/Ow7YEAN_IpI
Dandelions Fields Notebooks : http://amzn.to/2cIh5tI
Midori Traveller’s Notebook: http://amzn.to/2btL0cN
Leuchtturm 1917: http://amzn.to/2b6zi7s
Paperchase : http://amzn.to/2cA1ocl
Moleskine Pocket Reporter Ruled Notebook : http://amzn.to/2cIfdBd
Smash Book Eco Green Folio : http://amzn.to/2c6yhwB
Timu Leather Journal – Brown – A5 – by Nkuku : http://amzn.to/2cA4nBg

Thank you for watching!
Matilde Tomat

A new series: S3 : INITIATIVE

03 MAY 2016

Session THREE: INITIATIVE

As promised, here’s the new video re. the session about INITIATIVE.

We also talked about guilt, and Purpose in Life.

The topic of Purpose in Life (and the sense of having a Mission) is very dear to me, especially during my placement as a trainee chaplain at Chorley and Preston hospitals.

I mention Simon Sinek and his TEDtalk: if you have never heard of him, never saw his video, please do now! I highly recommend it and you can find it here.

And here is the video: enjoy!

A new series: S2 : AUTONOMY

26 APR 2016

Session TWO: AUTONOMY

As promised, here’s the new video re. the session about AUTONOMY.

We talked about shame & doubt, and labelling.

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I’m always mesmerized by the power of labels: we really do believe anything at times, don’t we?

The links mentioned in the video are:

Tim Urban website re. procrastination  here
Tim Urban TEDtalk here

Oriah Mountain Dreamer poem ‘The Invitation

 

Enjoy the video, and thank you for watching!

 

21-day Meditation Experience

As many of you know, I do the 21-day Meditation Experience by Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey. Every time, because I gain so much insight from it.

This time I have decided to share with you part of my journal and a video I made for the Mantras used during the Meditation.

For more information re. the Experience, please see Chopra Meditation : it’s free, soothing and healing.

I have also created a video with the Mantras used during the Meditation. It is true that as a practising Nichiren Buddhist I use the Nam Myoho Renge Kyo ‘mantra’ to chant, but I have discovered that to quieten the mind and during my placement as a Buddhist Chaplain (together with Buddhists from other denominations) using various mantras can help to focus and for peace of mind.

To make the video, I used PowerPoint to create picture/slides of the mantras. Then, I also printed the slides as pictures, laminated them and I used them in my journal (as you can see from one of the pictures above). All of this is not a pointless exercise! Creativity helps focusing, aids the healing process. We move from the Victim role to the Creator/Trickster role in order to take the change that happens within us, in the world outside.

If you want to know more about Therapeutic Journalling, or if you would like to host a course / event, please contact me at The Resting Tree or via the Facebook page.

Enjoy the video ♥

 

a life script: earthquake

I find working with Life Scripts extremely fascinating. And here is why:

Picture this day, the 6th of May 1976, North Italy. I am 8 years old at the time.

I go to school during the morning; dad picks me up and we are having lunch together at the barracks were he works; when we finish and go out dad notices some dead irises along a narrow stream nearby, flowers which were alive when we got there before lunch; dad talks to me about the nature of things, and death, and the caducity of life… and as a kid I can only feel a sense of impending doom; we go home to get changed but I feel scared so I follow my gut feeling and hide my favourite doll under a desk; we leave home and travel 30 km south to meet with mum and my younger sister; we go shopping and buy some new uniforms for dad; we meet with granddad and uncle and have dinner all together in a restaurant; the evening doesn’t feel serene and I remember arguments.

At a certain point, around 9pm, an earthquake. A strong one. A bad one. A dangerous one. Everybody screams and leaves, but for granddad and me. He tells me to keep on eating. I remember being so scared I was shaking. I feel abandoned and desperate. But granddad repeats that ‘this is life, and you just get on with it’. Later on in the car mum cries, sister cries, and I can physically sense sadness and drama. But I have survived.

friuli-1976

The 6.5 quake was centred on the town of Gemona del Friuli; it killed 939 people, injured  over 2,400, and left 157,000 homeless. It killed also my best friend; and most of my school friends. My dad started dying that day.

I survived. I am a survivor.

And this is how it happens: I have always thought I was a survivor, and that I should be grateful for it. As a kid I could not understand exactly what was going on, but children create their own stories: I survived because this and this and then this happened.

I survived because this and this and then this happened. A series, a specific sequence of events.

  1. I go to school (good girl)
  2. I feel impending doom & ending & death
  3. I experience mysticism
  4. I feel attached to objects
  5. I spend money for other people
  6. Arguments with family / uneasiness / not serene
    1. earthquake
  7. Abandonment + fatalism + ‘get on with it’

And now I can see how the pattern repeated itself in most of my life:

  1. I am a Perfect Daughter, so I act as a Good Girl
  2. I feel impending doom, weird sensation that the status quo is about to end
  3. I turn to mysticism / religion straight away
  4. I get very attached to objects / the story / … attached in general!
  5. I start spending money to compensate / attract
  6. Arguments begin >>> end!
  7. I leave with the sense of ‘It would have ended anyway!’ (fatalism / self fulfilling prophesy)
    1. + life is hard / shit
    2. + I just have to get on with it
    3. + I will survive / make it anyway

So, while as a child, I subconsciously thought that I survived only because of the sequence of events of that specific traumatic day, as an adult I repeat the same sequence of events over and over and over again – so that I can continually prove to myself that I can survive.

At this point I have a choice, don’t I? What if I start asking myself these questions*?

  1. What changes do I want / wish for in order to enhance my life?
    1. I do not want to feel a survivor any more, I want to thrive
  2. How will I need to change to get what I want / wish for?
    1. I don’t have to leave, I have to stay and speak my mind with honesty. Because when I don’t either I leave (survive) or I go back to pleasing and being a Good Girl which then leads me back to the beginning of the cycle again.
  3. What needs to happen for me to make this change?
    1. I need to be courageous enough to speak up
  4. What am I willing to do in order to make this change?
    1. Be vulnerable and risk.
  5. How might I sabotage myself?
    1. I might say to myself that it’s not that important, that even if I speak things won’t change, people won’t listen, people won’t understand, I made it before so I can make it even now,…
  6. How will I and others know when I have made the change?
    1. I will be assertive and won’t compromise unless it really suits me
  7. How will I reward myself for making the change?
    1. I really have to think about it… I feel a hint of sabotaging creeping in just now (!) … I may give myself permission to journal and be artistic without judging myself 
  8. What will I do in my life after I have made the changes?
    1. I will have gained respect; and I will live and thrive ♥

 

… I will live and thrive ♥…

So, what’s your life script?

 

* http://www.ta-psychotherapy.co.uk/pdf/101.pdf – p.21

amazing session: check this out!

Amazing people, so inspiring!

Creating memory boxes during the FOLLOW YOUR heART sessions commissioned and for Juice SRG at INSPIRE Burnley.

*reprinted and published with permission*

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Check also the video below: I got so much energy and good vibes from them, I had to share! BTW, the Jennifer I mention in the video is the lovely & smart & inspiring Jennifer Pastiloff: please check her on http://themanifeststation.net

Thank you for watching, and if you want to know more & get in contact, please do!

an afternoon at Juice, Colne

Sometimes we get cocky… a bit cocky…

I often thought ‘I’m not in recovery’. Because it’s true: I’m a daughter of alcoholic parents and a trainee counsellor, which is different. Or isn’t? It is also true that I love working with people in recovery and if someone sees me with ‘them’, do I mind being associated with (again) ‘them’?

If people are not able to see beyond labels, to see me as a ‘never-addicted’ person, are they worth my attention? And, as much as that previous thought might be true, if I cannot see beyond their past addiction, am I worth their attention?

I have spent hours, days, weeks, months trying to understand my parents’ addiction and to come to terms with their deaths. On the other side of the barricade.

I’m understanding more now, spending an afternoon with these people I am so grateful I had the opportunity to take pictures of, while they are creating something great.

I just wish my parents back then had the same opportunity…

If you wish to know more, come and join me.

If you need a safe island, join them. You can find them at Juice SRG, The Citadel, Colne BB8 0HY.

Thank you, for the lesson I’ve learned…

a conversation with…

… Caroline, who came to mine one evening and we discussed Responsibilities and Addiction.

Both my parents kept on blaming their parents, the State, History, their friends, me and my sister, God above and the whole world, basically. There was always an excuse for not stopping drinking.

Adults, instead, do fully take responsibility. If you scream and shout at me, the choice of how I react lies always in me; whether you scream, or punch, or steal from me… I always have a choice on how to respond. I lose a job, I am made redundant, I get sick, my partner leaves me for greener pastures: I always have a choice on how to react.

It’s the same for Businesses: you don’t perform as you used to do, you have many expectations but still you don’t hit the targets, clients don’t buy from you anymore, your Boss hates you… it’s not a matter of blaming or finding a fault, but instead of taking full conscious responsibility. Unless you still prefer to think that this is due to the Market, bigger Companies, employees who don’t perform as they should, the Credit Crunch, et.

Rationally, sitting down and thinking: was there anything I could have done differently? but especially: how can I move forward?

May I suggest you have a look at “Perfect Daughters” by Robert J. Ackerman p.66 about Integrity vs. Disgust? You are able to find the book here.

Whether you are (unfortunately) an Adult Child of Alcoholic Parents, or in Business but still find the things that keep on happening to you ‘unfair’: it’s all a matter of truly becoming and living as we wish to be.

Sending good vibes, as per usual…

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