It’s not the first time that one of my clients passes away: every time is sad, it comes with a lot of questions, and not many answers.
I could spend hours and so much ink describing transference, bond, boundaries, relational depth or emotional therapeutic warmth.
As with everybody, some clients touch you more than others, we learn from each other, we feel the journey we are walking together has a different vibe, that those sessions carry within them a deeper meaning, at times not just spiritual, but almost esoteric.
And maybe because there is death involved (at times planned, at times unplanned, at times expected and still denied) our role as therapists, my role as a therapist, molds into chaplain, healer, and silent companion; perceived as a friend but ‘never quite there’. Their stories become one with our own past: to explain it, to understand it; to even forgive it, at times.
Clients come to us for an outcome. But they ‘choose’ us for a reason: we become each others’ messengers, companions, angels.
And after this last week spent mourning and letting go of whatever obvious surrounds this last story in order to keep the essence, I have decided not to explain, not to justify, not to clarify as from a text book.
My nature is to stay. And I have stayed.
My nature is to listen. And I have listened.
My nature is never to forget that I am a human being, first. I am not God, I do not have answers for everybody, I am fallible, because in this ‘job’ we don’t have *one answer fits all*. Never.
My nature is to feel. I have felt. I am feeling. I accept what I am feeling. There is nothing wrong, ever, to whatever anyone’s feeling. E V E R
My nature is based on congruence: I am me [= woman, therapist, artist, chaplain, writer, walker, neophyte skateboarder, lover of the sea, …]. You cannot get just a side of me, I cannot lie, or be fake, or pretentious.
My nature is to take care of myself / my Self. I am doing this, constantly.
My nature, my reason for being here, now, on this beautiful spinning Earth, is to stay with, empower, support, inspire people so that they set off on their own healing journey.
I am here, cheering them on the side.
And waving them goodbye.
Inspired by: S+F, J, M, A and R, beautiful souls who have all touched mine deeply, and have now moved on.