02 – 18 APR 2016

And it’s lift off! We have started. I know, I know, it’s just the introductory session but from the very first moments you can get already an idea of what is going to happen, what kind of people you will be dealing with, what the baggage, who talks and who doesn’t; who asks the ‘why and how’ and who goes straight into ‘I don’t know’ mode.

As promised, a short video about the session, what we discussed, what we talked about and why I find existentialism and logic so important.

… and yes! I have been described as an emotional vampire… tz tz tz… yep, that’s me!

I read and quote the following from this website here:

Others can suck optimism and serenity right out of you. Vampires do more than drain your physical energy. The super-malignant ones can make you believe you’re an unworthy, unlovable wretch who doesn’t deserve better. The subtler species inflict damage by making smaller digs which can make you feel bad about yourself.

I am not that kind of emotional vampire! Still, if you are staying with ‘the story’ and don’t dig deep within you, you don’t show any willingness to look for you personal Pandora’s Box, nor you admit your fear in the process, I start asking questions. Like today: someone asked me: ‘What if there’s nothing. There’s no trauma, no Pandora’s Box…’ and it went something like this:

ME: … I would wonder why you are here in a recovery centre…
HER: Coz I am an addict.
ME: Why?
HER: Out of boredom…
ME: Why?
HER: Loneliness.
ME: Why?
HER: Coz I was alone…
ME: Why?
HER: I felt I could not communicate.
ME: Why?
HER: I don’t know.
ME: You have given me all the answer and then without taking the time to think, you went straight into *I don’t know*. Maybe behind your *I don’t know*, right there, it’s where we can find your Pandora’s Box.

In order for change to happen, we need to do the work; and doing the work and putting in the hours mean digging deep, and feel the pain, touch it, and stay with that pain.

In that sense, yes! I am an emotional vampire, and proudly so: I am there for the people who are ready to feel that pain, I am staying with that pain, I am present and not scared. I will gently nudge their boundaries, asking for permission, seeing what’s loose and can be pushed, or moved, or demolished. The moment I feel resistance, I back off. A bit. To that place where we are both feeling comfortable: the client wherever he is; and me, comfortable in leaving the client there.

I remember going to my supervisor one day and telling her that when I am doing the sessions (whether  one-to-one or group sessions) while I am there, it’s like I’m not really there: time disappears, I don’t have to think, or feel the need of having to think about what I have to say… it just happens. Like if I were a vessel for a Cosmic Master, the One, Mr. Puppeteer, The Great Ol’One… who is using me to deliver the workshops. At the end of the sessions, I go back into being me, feeling fully re-charged, accomplished and very happy. My supervisor looked at me and said: *No, no Cosmic Master, no Higher Power, no Mr. Puppeteer. During the workshops, you are really you. That is your Real Self, your True Self, what you were born to do, you Purpose in Life fulfilled. No conditioning, no fear. Just you.*

…and I know she is right: she is an amazing supervisor. And if I am now doing what I do and following a specific path, it is because I know I can rely to a perfect reality-check in her.


… what an beginning! Really looking forward now to start tomorrow with the first session.

Till then, sending you good vibes and ♥


Published by m tomat

Virginia's owner, fiercely tender & protective, ironically sincere, wildly curious, lyrically logical and simply me! in love with philosophy, psychotherapy, spirituality, and creativity. the rest are just details.

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