Stoptober 2015: 2 months

Yes, it’s the 30 Nov 2015 which means that in an hour and a handful of minutes, I will have been smoke-free for 2 whole months.

And, patch-free for the past week: not as a conscious decision, but simply because I forgot.

But I have to tell you that for the past week my mood has been tearful, I felt particularly vulnerable and I have been having this physical sensation of walking on eggs or as if I was silently gasping for air.

And, I have to admit, I have been working late at the laptop on my research and the book, and I went to bed convinced I must have had a fag during the evening / night: there was of course no sign of the cigarette and I know I haven’t smoked, but I had this kind of nagging feeling that ‘something is not 100% right’, a deep sense of disconnection to the core of my Lovely Self.

I guess I’m just re-assessing, re-evaluating, re-adjusting the process.

Of course, I felt I could have easily had a fag a handful of times: some ‘without even thinking’, and some ‘with thinking’. I still haven’t.

I feel like if my mind is playing a game on its own, she is also forgetting the rules, makes them up along the way; she’s also risking a short-circuit and she is not happy. I don’t feed her, of course.

I can only love her and keep on showing self-respect to my Self.


Sending good vibes out… especially if you’re trying to quit or simply thinking about quitting!

Published by m tomat

Virginia's owner, fiercely tender & protective, ironically sincere, wildly curious, lyrically logical and simply me! in love with philosophy, psychotherapy, spirituality, and creativity. the rest are just details.

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